By day, Brooke James, CCAS BA ‘11, is an independent advisor and writer based in New York City. But in her free time, James helps equip people with the skills to talk about grief, loss, and death through her podcast The Grief Coach.
What led you to start thinking about how our society talks about grief, loss, and death?
I lost my dad last April. Actually, this week a year ago, we put him in hospice. Throughout the whole process, I would tell people what was going on. I found it frustrating that no one knew how to talk about it. I felt like everyone was kind of bad at talking about grief, loss, and scary things. I thought that people needed to know that we’re not doing this effectively, so I started writing down things that I thought people should know.
What do you talk about on The Grief Coach? 
My goal is to equip people to be able to talk about grief and loss. I am trying to do that in two ways: emotionally and practically. I want to give people a platform to tap into different loss experiences. People think that all grief is the same, but it is really not. What do you learn from different types of loss? How do you process it? I am trying to find the common threads in different people’s grief experiences to make them feel less alone. The other way I hope to equip people is through the practical aspects of loss. What do you need to know if you have power of attorney? How do you talk to parents about their wills? So I am trying to provide both emotional and practical advice.
How do you think this global outbreak will affect people in terms of their mental health and feelings of grief or sadness?
I think we are all feeling a lot of anticipatory grief.* People are anxious, exhausted, and overwhelmed. We are grieving our routine and what is normal. We are not quite sure what is going to happen, so I think what people are feeling is anxiety and anticipatory grief. A lot of what we do to find comfort when we are grieving involves a community, and we can’t do that now. So I think we are all trying to figure out how to find comfort and safety.
*Anticipatory grief refers to a feeling of grief occurring before an impending loss
What is the best way for people to process these emotions and get those feelings of community back?
I think naming your emotions is important. Say that you are scared. Say that you are anxious. Give those emotions space. What we can do to control the situation is stay home. Talk to people to comfort yourself. I started meditating every day, and I found that it has helped my personal anxiety levels. Movement is also helpful, so I pace in my studio while I am on my phone. I have a yoga mat set up where I will do workouts. Get into a rhythm that works for you in terms of the social interaction you need to keep your community and time to just relax, watch Netflix, or read a book. Also, take a break from your phone if you can. This inundation of scary, unknown news is really bad for our mental health.
Once this pandemic has subsided, what is the best way to move forward and work through any remaining grief that people might have from this experience?
One of the things that is a really big misconception about grief is that it is something that you can get over, as if there is a distinct timeline. Grief lasts forever, and it is about accepting the new normal. One of the hospice workers who came to help my dad gave this great analogy of how you have your life and grief is below it. At first, you go down into grief often. As time goes on, you go down less, but it is something that is with you forever. I think that this is something that is going to have long-term effects on the economy, the way we work, and public norms as far as physical touch and cleanliness are concerned. But I think it also will have a big effect on what our mental health looks like. This is traumatic, and pretending that it is not is unhelpful. Acknowledging that this can have a huge impact on our mental health is really important.
During this time, how can the GW community come together to support one another?
Check in on your friends. Check in on people even if you lost touch for a little bit. Everyone knows what is going on. When Kobe Bryant died, I was talking to my therapist and asked her why I was so affected by it since I do not like sports. She said that grief is often a really personal and private experience. But when a celebrity dies or there is a national disaster or a pandemic, we are all experiencing something at the same time, which allows us all to be vulnerable with each other. We are all going through this together. And just tell the people you love that you love them.
You can listen to The Grief Coach on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. To find more information on The Grief Coach, visit thegriefcoach.co and follow along on Facebook and Instagram.
-Katie Kowalski
